Q: Reported for sexual harassment after joking with coworker for years, legal grounds?

A: It would be wise to refrain from such further banter. Once your employer is on notice of what might be considered a "hostile environment" or unwanted discussion or behavior of a sexual nature, even if intended in the most innocent manner and not unwelcome by other colleagues, the employer is legally obligated to make a reasonable effort to address the matter. Your employer may take disciplinary action against you, admonish you or otherwise endeavor to put an end to it. It is also possible that the coworker who finds the banter objectionable may take further action against you and your employer.

A: Mr. Giordano is right. None of us knows what others find offensive. That co-worker may have reported offensiveness based on several grounds not excluding religion. You say a "new co-worker" which might help you. Petty slights or stray remarks are not actionable but New York State's Human Rights Law has recently been interpreted as similar to, nearly identical to New York City's Human Rights Law which is almost as progressive of a law as they come. In NYC discrimination shall play "no role" in employment decisions and most importantly the purpose of both laws is to construe them liberally for the purpose of eliminating discrimination from workplaces. With such strong language, even if a complainant loses their case, the complaint could make it all the way to an administrative law judge or a jury in one of New York's Supreme Courts or even potentially in federal court if there are claims giving the federal court jurisdiction. You need to stop the jokes ASAP, if interviewed about the complaint discuss with no one, and I have even suggested that high level managers voluntarily take sexual harassment courses on line immediately. Google the New York City Commission on Human Rights and take their course tonight, it's free, you will receive a certificate, and if you are questioned about your jokes or comments you will have proof that you took harassment seriously. I saved a Manhattan executive's job that way years ago when three attorneys interviewed him and amazingly he kept his job in my presence having completed my suggested on-line training before the big meeting with top executives and lawyers.

A: I understand that being reported for sexual harassment after years of joking with a coworker can be confusing and stressful, especially when the interactions were previously mutual and welcome. In New York, sexual harassment is defined as unwelcome conduct of a sexual nature that creates a hostile or offensive work environment. This can include verbal comments, jokes, gestures, or other actions that are sexual in nature.

The key factor in a sexual harassment claim is whether the conduct was unwelcome or made someone feel uncomfortable. Even if your coworker never found the jokes offensive, the new coworker who reported the comment may have perceived it differently. New York law protects employees from a hostile work environment created by inappropriate conduct, even if that conduct is not directly aimed at the person who feels uncomfortable. This means that even if your direct coworker did not object to the jokes, the new coworker may still have grounds to file a complaint if they felt the work environment became hostile or inappropriate due to the comments they overheard.

Because your comments were reported to Human Resources (HR), your employer is likely conducting an investigation to determine whether any company policies were violated. Employers have a duty to maintain a safe and respectful work environment for all employees, and they are required to take complaints of harassment seriously. This may include interviewing you, the coworker you were speaking to, and any witnesses to determine the nature of the comments.

Your defense will likely focus on showing that your direct coworker did not consider the jokes to be harassment and that your interactions were mutual and consensual. If you have any text messages, emails, or other communications with your coworker that show your friendly and mutual relationship, these may help demonstrate that your comments were not intended to offend.

It is also important to carefully review your employer’s sexual harassment policy. This will help you understand what behavior is prohibited and whether the comments you made could be considered a violation of the policy.

If HR’s investigation leads to disciplinary action, you may consider appealing the decision, especially if you believe that your comments were misinterpreted. You may also want to consult with an employment lawyer who can help you understand your rights, present your case to HR, and ensure that you are treated fairly throughout the process.

This response is for general informational purposes only and does not constitute legal advice. For personalized guidance, please consult a qualified attorney licensed in New York.

A: It’s understandable to feel caught off guard when something that felt like mutual joking is suddenly called into question. Even if your longtime coworker never raised a concern, a sexual harassment complaint can still arise if another employee, even someone not directly involved, finds the behavior offensive or inappropriate in the workplace. Sexual harassment doesn’t always require intent to harm—it’s often judged by how the conduct affects the work environment and whether it’s considered unwelcome or inappropriate.

Legally, your employer has an obligation to investigate any harassment claim seriously, regardless of past dynamics or personal identities. The fact that a new coworker reported it means HR is likely evaluating whether your comment, in context, could create a hostile or uncomfortable work environment. Previous incidents, like the misunderstanding over the soap, might also be considered as part of a broader pattern of behavior—even if that wasn’t your intention.

It may help to approach this situation with openness and accountability. If HR contacts you, give your side calmly and clearly, and acknowledge that workplace standards sometimes change with different team dynamics. Even long-standing jokes can cross lines, especially if others are present who don’t share that history. You don’t lose your rights, but it’s important to take this seriously and work with your employer to resolve it fairly.

A: It’s understandable that this situation feels confusing, especially if your interactions with your longtime coworker have always felt mutual and harmless. But when it comes to workplace conduct, even long-running jokes can be questioned if someone else finds them inappropriate. A sexual harassment claim doesn't always require intent to harm—if a comment or pattern of behavior creates an uncomfortable or hostile environment for someone, it can still lead to action under company policy or the law.

In your case, the concern may not be the personal dynamic with your coworker, but how the behavior appeared to someone else nearby. The new coworker might have overheard something that, in isolation or context, felt offensive or unprofessional, leading them to report it. Even if your direct coworker wasn't bothered, HR is required to investigate once a report is made. The previous misunderstanding with the children’s soap could also be viewed as part of a broader behavioral pattern, even if that was not your intention.

This doesn’t automatically mean a legal claim will succeed, but it can lead to internal consequences depending on the company’s policies. The best thing you can do now is be open, cooperative, and honest during any HR review. Share your side of the story, including the history of your interactions, while also recognizing that workplace norms shift with new team dynamics. You have a right to fairness in this process, and it’s okay to advocate for yourself with respect and clarity.